I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
