Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
