Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have fence marks all over my body
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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