Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
