im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
