I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There r osticjed everywhere
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
