You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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