my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
