Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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