bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
