i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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