She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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