I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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