Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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