I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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