um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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