i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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