wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well you can't waste a boner
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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