you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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