Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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