The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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