Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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