he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
