using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You can't special order awesome
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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