Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
