We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
