why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
