My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When are your genitals available?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
