You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
