and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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