We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
