I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This beer is not sobering me up at all
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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