Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
