Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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