my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who died my cat blue again?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
