I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
