Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
