He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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