God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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