I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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