If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
