LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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