I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
