I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your dad touched me again.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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