remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
