Are we in a gay sports bar?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
