Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You need a sexual gate keeper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's rum buckets o'clock
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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