So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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