I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
