Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
