Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
