Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
