it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
