so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
