i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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