Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
