Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
