the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
