You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
