I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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