You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
