I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
