Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
