Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
two words: eviction party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
