For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
