I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
