i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
