I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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