I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
