i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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