There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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