Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
