I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
