there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
