Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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