i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
