hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
