I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
